Hello Friends and Family!
This week's email is going to be riveting. It's not about your typical fairytale ending, but rather, the fairytale romance of my mission literally ending. But, don't worry. It still has a happy ending because I've learned that when we look to the Lord, the Lord always looks out for us.
I guess to fully explain this I have to tell the story of how we first met for the very last time. So...
May 2015 I was in New York meeting with Investment Banks when I met a handsome, intelligent, seemingly flawless man. He was suave and said "I'll get this cab if you'll get us ice cream later." We did, got stuck in traffic, talked, laughed, and seemed to hit it off right away. That led to the best summer romance of my life, followed by the most tearful goodbye I've ever had. Now, fast forward to about three weeks ago when I found out that this same character had been with another girl for the last several months.
Let us pause here.
Many of you may be thinking "well...you are on a mission. It's different." AHEM. May I direct your attention to the following list and let you decide for yourself:
- When he takes this other girl on a trip to Disneyland and then emails you to let you know that his "car feels so empty" without you.
- When he takes your mother flowers for Mother's Day, skypes with you, and you two exchange "I miss you/I love you/I can't wait to see you again," but he goes back to his other girl that night.
- When he emails you and asks what kind of ring you want because he has "the whole proposal planned" and all he needs to know is what you want.
And, with all of that, let us now move to the most important part of this story: the Lord looks out for those that look for Him.
About three weeks ago I had been praying to know how to make my mission more meaningful. I wanted to make sure that I was giving everything I had to the Lord. The answer came quietly, but firmly: Let Him Go. Obviously this prompting was talking about my then boyfriend, but I didn't understand it. We had been solid since the day I left, or so I thought. We exchanged emails every week, letters often, and he'd sent me more than one care package. It literally made no sense. None. But, since being on my mission I realized that when I follow promptings from the Spirit I rarely ever see the good that comes from them. However, when I don't follow them, I always see the bad. This is the experience that is the exception to that rule.
I remember sitting down at the computer and writing that break-up email. It was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I've done on my mission. I had no reason to do it. None. There was nothing to indicate that I should. However, the Lord knew my situation far better than I did. It makes me think of the story in Genesis 22 where God commands Abraham to sacrifice Isaac; the thing he thinks he loves most in the whole world to see if, in reality, Abraham loved God more than all that he had. In life, I think every single one of us will be faced with a similar dilemma. The question of where we will put our trust is one of the simplest to answer, yet can take a lifetime of experience for us to truly believe.
I know that when the Lord promises us that our purpose here in this life is to have joy, that His goal is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, He will not shortchange us. He will not leave us lonely and He will not let us fall down when we have asked Him to catch us. I know that the Lord loves His children. I have watched the Gospel of Jesus Christ change lives here in Romania. I've watched it change mine.
I love all of you and hope you have a fabulous week! And don't worry about me here in Romania...I'm over it. ;)